Spreading colds and flu

To: All Employees
From: HR Department
Re: Coming to work while sick

According to a 2005 survey, more than 80 percent of American workers go to work while sick. That translates to millions of cold- and flu-ridden employees sneezing, coughing, hacking and wheezing their way through the workday, spreading germs in their wake. If you have the unfortunate experience of coming into close contact with an ailing co-worker, or if you want to avoid contracting cold or flu germs, follow these guidelines:

• If you're sick, cover both your nose and mouth with a tissue when coughing or sneezing and then throw the tissue away. If you don't have a tissue, use your upper arm or the crook of your elbow. If you wear an orthopedic brace to treat carpal tunnel syndrome, avoid using that hand to cover your mouth (otherwise the brace could get really nasty over time).
• Wash your hands frequently and vigorously for 15 to 20 seconds, or use an alcohol-based wipe or hand sanitizer. Remember, mixing high-alcohol sanitizers with Red Bull for a "kick-ass cocktail" is strictly prohibited.
• Avoid touching your eyes, nose and mouth. To be absolutely safe, avoid touching any part of your body. Touching any part of anyone else's body is strictly prohibited.
• Avoid touching hard surfaces. Most cold and flu viruses are transmitted via hard surfaces. An active office worker can touch up to 30 surfaces in a minute — going from keyboard and telephone to PDA and copy machine. An infected worker will lay down a microbial minefield that can infect you. If you must touch a hard surface, use your knuckle or an object such as a fountain pen.

Candy Dishes

To: All Employees
From: HR Department
Re: Candy Dishes

We've been asked to clarify the company's policy about candy dishes.

If you put out candy, your co-workers assume that it is for public consumption. Therefore, do not put candy out if you plan to restrict access to it. You may not screen the people who take it. It is for anyone who happens to come by your work area, even if that person happens to come from another department. If you are away from your desk for an extended period of time (one day or more), you may remove the candy dish. Otherwise, its contents will be up for grabs. It is completely inappropriate to hide a candy dish from a co-worker you do not like. Remember, many friendships have been forged and divisions have been healed over candy dishes.

Candy dish guidelines:

• Don't double dip. Scooping up a handful of candy and stuffing your pockets is an abuse.
• Don't sort through unwrapped candy. Take what you touch.
• Don't substitute candy for crunchy veggies such as carrots or celery. Candy dishes are for candy, and your co-workers have a right to expect that they will be filled with sweet treats. If you're advocating healthful alternatives, consider filling your candy dish with something like dark chocolate Hershey's Nuggets with almonds. Dark chocolate is a healthier choice and almonds can lower cholesterol.
• Use a container with a narrow top, such as a carafe or a vase, to force grimy co-workers to shake candy out instead of fingering it.

Inappropriate Comments

To: All Employees
From: HR Department
Re: Inappropriate Comments

It has come to our attention that some employees have made inappropriate comments about a co-worker's decision to shave his head. Referring to that worker as looking "all Holocausty" or "like he just finished his chemotherapy treatments" is insensitive to the many victims of the Holocaust (including Jews, Catholics, Soviet POWs, Gypsies, disabled and mentally ill people, gay men, Freemasons and Jehovah's Witnesses) as well as cancer victims and survivors. It is always better to take a positive tone. For example, "Jim certainly has an interesting new look."

Holiday Gifting

To: All Employees
From: HR Department
Re: Gift-Giving Guidelines

The holiday season is upon us, so we thought this would be an opportune time to remind you of our company's gift-giving guidelines. Remember, we implemented these guidelines so that no one would feel offended or excluded during this joyful season of giving.

Gifts to avoid:

• Intimate apparel (this could indicate an inappropriate relationship)
• Perfumes, body lotion, highly scented items or personal lubricants
• Flashy jewelry (i.e., artificial gemstones, anything worn in conjunction with a battery or genuine gems of 5 carats or more)
• Food (some workers are restricted by certain cultures and religions)
• Art (or other items that are in your taste, but not necessarily anyone else's)
• Liquor or cigarettes (unless you know for certain that you coworker drinks or smokes)
• Pets or plants (it is never a good idea to give a "high-maintenance" present)

Gifts to consider:

• Picture frames
• Gift cards
• Books
• Useful desk objects
• Facial tissue
• Adhesive bandages
• Plastic utensils
• Movie passes

Secret Santa exchanges are acceptable in most cases, but make sure to establish a spending limit. Some employees will not want to spend more money on top of the usual holiday spending pressure, especially our younger staff who often complain that they are underpaid.

Cubicle Etiquette

To: All Employees
From: HR Department
Re: Cellphones at Work

We realize that every employee of our company is invaluable, but if you are so important that you need to carry a cellphone with you and have it on 24/7 then don’t leave it sitting on your desk while you wander off to gossip in the corridors. And although you think your ring-tone is cool and that it makes a statement about you — it isn't and it doesn't. In fact, the only statement it makes, especially when it has just rung and beeped unanswered on your desk for the fifth time in a 10-minute period, is that you are a dolt. Take it with you or turn it off.

Kudos

To: All Employees
From: HR Department
Re: Kudos

We have been asked to explain the company's policy for praising employees in mass e-mails. We not only allow the practice, but also encourage it. Frequent recognition of employees' contribution to our company's success is a certain — and affordable — way to boost emplyee engagement and to retain good workers.

If you wish to praise a fellow employee, keep these simple guidelines in mind:

1. The purpose of praising someone in the workplace is to improve morale and increase productivity, not to get employees to like you or to feel better for having a bad haircut. Know the difference between a compliment and effective praise. Telling an employee, "I really adore that festive holiday frock," is a compliment. Telling someone, "Your skill at resolving customer concerns is a valuable asset to our company," is effective praise.

2. In order for praise to work, it must be sincere. Employees can easily identify phony praise, which will cause you to lose credibility and the ability to motivate them in the future with praise. It's better to say, "Tom, thanks for your helpful advice," vs. "Tom, you're the best coworker anyone could ever have."

3. At a minimum, praise each employee once a month. Certain employees (such as new workers or those who lack confidence) may require more praise than others. Even the most problematic worker can be sincerely praised. Tell always-frowning Fran that her smile brightens up the room and see the difference it makes.

4. Praise in public. Public praise helps improve the morale of all employees. Sending an e-mail to all employees saying, "Mary, you did a great job on handling that customer complaint! You rock!" is sure to motivate other workers to optimal performance, thus improving morale and increasing productivity.

Helvetica Typeface Anniversary

To: All Employees
From: HR Department
Re: Helvetica Typeface Anniversary

It has come to our attention that some employees are planning to observe the 50th anniversary of the Helvetica typeface by bringing home-baked goodies to the workplace. We remind you that our company has strict guidelines regarding the introduction of self-prepared foods in the workplace.

1. Proper sanitary practices should be followed when preparing, transporting, displaying and serving baked goods.
2. Foods ALLOWED (usually considered to be safe) include: breads, buns, biscuits, cakes, loaves, cookies, muffins, fruit pies and tarts, and doughnuts.
3. Foods NOT ALLOWED (potentially hazardous) contain meat, dairy products and raw eggs. Cream- or meat-filled pies and pastries, meringue and pumpkin pies; custards and puddings; icings containing raw eggs and home-canned foods are not permitted.
4. All food must be individually wrapped in new food-grade materials to protect from contamination. For example, a new paper plate covered and sealed with plastic wrap. Dispensing of unwrapped food is not allowed. Foods packaged in used materials such as Styrofoam trays, plastic bags, cardboard boxes, etc. are not acceptable.
5. All food items must be labeled with a list of ingredients and the date the food was prepared.

By following these guidelines, everyone will have a safe celebration of Helvetica's anniversary.